Friday, January 10, 2014

Zofran O'Clock

I have been ill with the norovirus this week.
I ended up being hospitalized overnight due to dehydration complications.

I made it all the way through 2013 with no hospital visits, and not even 1 week into the new year.

I think the last time I felt this physically awful was when my gallbladder melted inside me back in 2010.
Except this time I don't have Wash to comfort or help me.

Aelphie has been by my side pretty much constantly. Leto will come and sit at my feet while I am throwing up my guts.
That helps a little. I think they can tell/sense/smell I am not feeling well.

I hate missing work. I hate feeling like I am letting down my team.

I hate how alone being very ill makes me feel.
Being in that hospital bed, in that room all alone... it is scary. The meds they gave me helped, but, I still kept feeling and thinking how just not right it felt to not have Wash there with me. To have him holding my hand or even just to hear a voice that loved me telling me it will be OK.
It's not right. Not fair.

I know this. It is just harder to accept when I am sick and weak and longing to just be held; comforted.

Rationally I know if he were still here there would be issues. I would have to keep him safe and healthy and I likely wouldn't even hold his hand without a glove and mask on.
But.
...but.

I still want the comfort of my best friend. 

Every day I miss him. Every day I have things I want to say to him. To share. To do.


I feel miserable. 

2 comments:

  1. Being alone is miserable; being alone while sick is unbelievably horrid. I am so sorry that you are there by yourself during this bout of illness. Know that you are being held up to the Universal Healing Power and hope that soon you're back to normal and at work again with your team.

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  2. Being sick by yourself suuuucks!!! Hope you're feeling better soon and back to work. I bet your team misses you!

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