Monday, March 3, 2014

Too Little, Too Late

I was doing ok today. Not great, but not horrid.
I get home and sitting in my mailbox are two letters. Both from the same place, both unsolicited "junk" mail.
One was for me, one for Wash.
They were soliciting for Health Insurance.

"WASH- Did YOU know you can now be covered for health insurance through the Affordable Care Act aka ObamaCare? Well, you can! Give us money! ...."

And just... getting mail for him today was shitty. Most days it does not bother me at all anymore. Not today.
Especially getting THIS mail.

Only 5 years too late.

I tried going for a walk. I even ran into one of my Rabbis out with his baby daughter for a stroll as well. That helped distract me some. But.
Now my brain is stuck on the "what if" line of thoughts. And that is a very bad place for me to go down.

I am so mad at the world/universe/whatever right now. It all just hurts so badly, and I am just so fucking MAD.

I can't even have a good cry because my asthma is too shitty today to let me breathe in-between sobs.

I just want him back. I know it is impossible. Not improbable, but impossible. And that hurts.


  1. Aye, it does hurt that he's gone for good but that's the truth and somehow, someway we have to assimilate that ... My heart aches with loss and reaches out to you in solidarity with losing those we love and trying to get thru the miasma that follows.

  2. I know this isn't the slightest bit of comfort to you. These words are going to ring hollow. Maybe, just maybe.. someone heard his story and it moved them enough to do something - write to their Congress person, be vocal on Facebook or twitter, tell a coworker- and maybe that little action helped the Affordable Care Act get passed. For someone else in Wash's and Your's shoes. Maybe someone can get care now because your story touched someone. I hope that's the case. I hope to hell that the next time the Republicans gain control that they don't revoke this. It's lowered my Mother's medical insurance premiums from $800 dollars a month to $650. Still INSANE.. but a little less painful now. I keep telling her to go to the market place and just CHECK to see if there is a better option and if so, look into it.. for my sakes. She keeps putting it off.. wanting to deny the hassle. She also has republican thoughts and thinks it'll be worse.. but It won't.. I don';t know how to get it through her head.